Godly Wisdom as We Wait

I have been deeply blessed by a little devotional called Jesus Calling (by Sarah Young) recently. I was reading this devotional the other day, and God spoke directly to my heart as we trust in Him on our adoption journey. I hope that these words encourage you as well:

"Rest with me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on the journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn't bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts on My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over wherever you go." - Jesus Calling, page 168

There are no updates regarding the quota situation in Korea. As we continue to wait for the referral of our little girl, we advocate passionately for orphan care. Next week we are honored to lead a team of sixteen volunteers to serve orphans in El Salvador. We are especially excited to see God move in Aidan's heart as he gives away silly bands and loves on the kids in the orphanages. Stay tuned for more!

Tremendous Encouragement From Friends in a Time of Sorrow...

We are so grateful to God for so many things. There is not enough room on this blog to write about God's goodness and faithfulness in our lives. While the circumstances of life can be deeply painful and confusing, God is always with us. In the past week we have talked, grieved and cried over the recent changes in Korea. In some ways the difficult news felt like a miscarriage, or the loss of a dream. However, God has been speaking to us over and over again about trusting His timing and His perfect plan. This week I have been reminded of our infertility journey and of the supernatural way in which God led us to adopt! I have received so many encouraging words, phone calls and emails. Thank you SO MUCH for carrying us and for supporting us through the UPS and DOWNS of our adoption journey!

A few days ago I received a very moving email from our close missionary friend in El Salvador, Kathy Knepper. Kathy had been praying for us early that morning, and had no idea about the recent changes in the Korean adoption program. God simply put us on her heart and she was praying fervently for us. She felt led to send an email to us sharing her thoughts that day. When she returned home, she saw the news of the quota on Facebook. Here is part of her email:

"Jenni and Mike, the Lord knows who your daughter is. She has been created knowing that you are going to be her mom and dad. She has been made to fill your heart with joy and burdens (you can't have one without the other). He knows when she will come. Though you are ready for her, she might not be ready for you. I want you to know that I was told by the Lord to write this to you BEFORE I read your post, as I was driving at 4:30 am in the morning, on the way to the airport.

Many wrongs have and will be done, and some will never recognize it. Yet you will still get the supreme joy of doing that which the Lord called you to do faithfully... adoption. It may not go on the record books, but it will forever change the life of a precious Korean princess, who has been made just for you. I love you, Kathy"


David and Kathy Knepper and their beautiful kids!

We are so grateful that God has been speaking to our hearts, and He is also speaking to you. He cares about the details of our lives and He truly does cause all things to work together for good. For now, we continue to wait and put our trust in Him!

Insights on the Korean Quota Issue

Last week I joined the Yahoo Korean Adoption Group after hearing about the quota in Korea. I felt like I needed to be more connected with families who share our journey into Korea. In the last week I have received many helpful and encouraging emails from fellow adoption sojourners and am blessed to be part of the group. Last night I spent a couple of hours reading through other family adoption blogs. It's insightful and encouraging to see how other families are procesing their adoption experiences amidst the quotas. Two families had some great posts on their reactions to the Korean quota issue. If you'd like to read more about the quota, please check out these blog posts:

www.heartontheline.com/2011/05/my-adoption-rant.html

minus1project.blogspot.com/2011/05/joining-army.html

Devastating News From Korea

Over the last four years we have compared our adoption journey to a roller coaster ride. There are thrilling ups and huge drops that cause the passengers to scream at the top of their lungs! Last week we experienced a big, screaming drop. Actually, it was more like a crash in our hearts. We received a letter from our adoption agency notifying us that the agency they partner with in Korea (Social Welfare Services) had "reached its' quota" for referrals for 2011. This had never happened before and the adoption community is shocked. What exactly does this mean?

Korea is trying to reduce their international adoption referrals in an effort to increase domestic adoptions. Sadly, adoption has not been culturally accepted in Korea, so most orphaned children have been relinquished internationally for the past forty years. While we respect Korea's desire to promote domestic adoption, our hearts break for the children and families who are "stuck in the system." There are many ramifications to the quota situation, and I won't divulge all of our opinions here. Needless to say, there is a lot of speculation about how and why Korea is making these decisions. There is also a lot of uncertainty.

What does this mean for our family? We will most likely not be receiving a referral of a child until 2012. The entire system in Korea is changing, so our agency is unable to give us answers at this time. One of the reasons that we picked Korea last fall was because (at that time) it was a very efficient and fast program. The children also receive exceptional medical and foster care in Korea. Since we joined the program, Korea has announced two significant delays and changes in their international adoption policies. This month marks our fourth year in our adoption journey, so this news comes at a difficult time. However, we know that God is not surprised and He is with us every step of the way.

We find ourselves seeking God's direction again, grieving over the changes and crying out for orphans in Korea and around the world. We have felt deeply supported these past few days as we have shared this news and appreciate all of your prayers and encouragement. We'll continue to post updates as we receive them. There is so much uncertainty but one thing is absolutely certain. God is always good. He is in control. And He will never leave us or forsake us. We know that He will guide us as we continue to wait to hold our daughter in our arms one day.

2,034 Silly Bands!

Last week Aidan collected all of the silly band containers that he had distributed in each school class. His goal was to collect 1,000 silly bands from his schoolmates to take to El Salvador. He received 2,034! Way to go Arroyo Elementary School! We are so grateful for your support! We can't wait to see the kids' faces light up in El Salvador when they receive these gifts!

Aidan is still collecting silly bands at our church until we leave for El Salvador on July 9th. Let us know if you'd like to donate!

A Song About Our Adoption on Youtube!

Yesterday my friend from YWAM (Youth With a Mission), Rollyn Bornhorst, read my post on grieving. Rollyn was part of my Discipleship Training School in Kona, HI, and we served together on an outreach trip in Costa Rica. Rollyn is extremely gifted musically. She kept our team laughing in Costa Rica with her creative songs (and I think of her every time I see a mango!). Rollyn currently sings and plays guitar with a band named Maeve.

Rollyn was so moved by my post that she wrote a song. A few hours after writing my post, I received an email from Rollyn with the lyrics and link to Youtube. I was nearly speechless. As many of you know, I love music. I have written a few songs in my life and God often speaks to me through music. Yesterday he spoke to me in a powerful way through Rollyn's song. I was moved beyond belief. Thank you Rollyn for taking the emotions expressed in my blog and putting them to music. It is truly one of the greatest gifts that I have ever received. One day I will play it for our little girl and remind her how deeply she was loved and yearned for before she was even born...

Here are the lyrics:

Baby born without a home
Many many miles from here
When I think of her all alone
I shed these deep longing tears

We've been waiting for so long
To call this little girl our own
Our love for her is true and strong
Oh how we long to bring her home

Wrap your arms around her Lord
Until I can hold her in my own
Wrap your arms around her Lord
Let her know that she's never alone

Grief washes over me
Who is holding her now
Time lost is what I seek
I will get through this somehow

My head held deep in my hands
I hear the Lord speak, I hear the Lord speak
Daughter I understand
In my arms I will keep, in my arms you can weep
In my arms she will sleep

Click here to listen to the song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptOo6ILqb7c

Deep Grief

Last weekend I attended our annual church women's retreat. If was unquestionably one of the best retreats that I have ever been a part of! It was an intense and emotional weekend. God worked powerfully in many of our hearts. I had no idea what God had planned for me, but as always, His timing was perfect.

My close friend, Kristin Sellars, attended the retreat with her ten-day old baby girl, Madeline. Kristin and I have often talked about the fact that our girls may be close in age (and will hopefully be close friends). Our sense is that our daughter's birthday will most likely be in April or May of this year. Every time I saw precious baby Madeline at the retreat, I wanted to hold her. But something held me back.

On Saturday evening the women gathered for a time of worship, sharing and prayer. The tissue was placed in the center of the room and we all knew that it was time to "get real" with one another and with God. I looked over at baby Madeline and suddenly realized why I had been unable to hold her. It's very possible that someone else is holding our newborn daughter right now. She may be the same age and size as Madeline. And we are missing her early days. I have always known this, but somehow it became gravely real as I gazed upon a newborn baby girl. And I began to weep. Profoundly. I was unable to stop crying for quite some time. It was time to grieve.

As I held my head in my hands, the worship leader began to play one of my favorite songs, "He Knows My Name." This song has greatly impacted me over the years. It was inspired after the song writer spent time in an orphanage in The Philippines. The song writer encountered an orphaned boy who desperately wanted to be known and wrote this song. As I listened to the song, God sweetly whispered truth to my heart. "I know her name. I am caring for her. I love her more than you can imagine. She is going to be ok." They were sweet words spoken aptly to a desperate and grieving mother.

When I was finally able to pick myself up out of my chair, I shared my emotions with my friends. I moved to a chair in the middle of the room, and was instantly surrounded by women who were grieving with me in prayer. Some were weeping. They cried out to God for His protection over our daughter. For financial provision. For His hand of grace to be over the entire adoption process. They interceded in my deep moment of grief when I was unable to speak. The grief and loss were suddenly replaced with peace, hope and anticipation. My sisters reminded me that God is watching over our daughter during our separation. I can not describe the level of support, encouragement and empathy that I felt in the darkness of the room. It was profound. It was deep. And it was real.

I often become emotional when I think of the incredible support that we have received from our church in our adoption journey. I can't imagine what it will be like when we finally carry our baby through the doors of her church. She will have a huge "cloud of witnesses" ready to welcome and embrace her. I'm so grateful that I was able to process my grief in the safety of the retreat. And by God's grace, later that evening I was able to hold baby Madeline (when Kristin needed prayer). As I held her closely in my arms, I whispered in her ear and told her about her new friend in Korea who is coming home soon.